At 2:00 a.m. this morning I found myself tossing and turning while trying to fall back into that sweet deep slumber. I’ve read that verse about Jesus waking up a great while before the day, but this just felt way too early for me. My patience was coming to a standstill as the minutes ticked by. Two dogs were placed precisely where my stretched out legs should be, the covers were too hot, I was glazed in sleep sweat, my breathing felt shallow, my thoughts were jumbled and loud. It was altogether miserable.
Here’s the thing. I tried all the “techniques” I could think of in order to fall back asleep. Praying. Thanking God for the blessings that came to mind. Speaking in tongues. Reflecting on God’s grace. This beautifully written verse was even fresh in my mind:
When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.Proverbs 3:24 KJV
None of it was “working.” All these complex emotions were coursing through me. I started to get choked up. Was it because other thoughts about the day were coming to mind? What was I doing wrong? God?
Finally, I told God, “Alright, I’m up. I don’t want to be up right now but nevertheless not my will be done but yours.” I’m not saying that God had forced my body to never return back to sleep because of some selfish agenda. No no no. My God is loving and caring and wants the best for me. Saying this to God was my way of deciding to accept what was at hand and to get through it with Him. The way I see it, He can make good out of any situation.
I got up, made a warm cup of water, headed down to the basement, and just sat there with the lights on. Then I started to pray. I prayed for my friends that have some big goals, my loved ones that are recovering, my coworkers and their hearts to give, and I began thanking God that He’s with me all the time – through the good and the bad. Lastly, I prayed that God would make good come out of this restless night.
Then it happened. What, God? Go grab my laptop and write that blog post that I’ve been wanting and craving to write but didn’t know what to write about? I don’t wanna. I just want to fall back asleep. Sleep is better.
How silly we can be. Even after a major heart-pouring out to God. But alas, the stars aligned and I set aside my stubborn self (seriously, I’m wide awake and I’ve been wanting to write for months) and here we are now. God turned this night into something beautiful and good. I haven’t gotten a lick of sleep and yet I’m typing this with a big silly smile because I’m just so thankful to Him. How amazing He is!
Life is messy. You know that. Sometimes the quick go-to-God-and-get-what-I-want-right-away method isn’t the answer. But that’s okay. Keep going to God. He can bring thankfulness to your heart in any situation. He will always comes through for you. Always.