Stunted. Not wanting to make a mistake.
There was a time when I didn’t want to read the Word because I didn’t want to misinterpret what the scriptures were saying. I felt unqualified, unprepared, and unmotivated to wrap my mind around their meaning. I was lost in the writings of others and became either confused or captivated by their philosophies. But what was right? What was error?
In my walk with God, I’ve grown less consumed with needing the “right” answer right away. It’s a beautifully placed balance between striving and being content, experiencing and believing, being comfortable and being uncomfortable. When it comes to the Word, I’m amazed by the intricacies and the details that are interwoven in layers of accounts and psalms; However, the moment I become intimidated is the moment my peace is stolen from me. Instead of striving to get the “right” answer right away, I’ve found comfort in desiring to respect the Lord and admire His craftsmanship. The rest will come.
The [reverent] fear of the Lord [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of wisdom [its starting point and its essence],
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding and spiritual insight.
Proverbs 9:10 AMP
Let me explain it this way – would you expect a young child to understand taxes and what a mortgage is? Or would you give them tons of hugs, tuck them in at night, and teach them how to say “thank you” and how to share?
God is our Dad. Take the pressure off your shoulders to know it all right away. God wants to spend time with you and talk with you and walk with you and tell you He loves you. He is so in love with you! He created everything you see around you. The beautiful skies and the rolling hills. The mountains and the birds. He knew you when you were in your mother’s womb. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are so amazing. And God is so amazing. He’s awesome! So awesome! Of course He knows how to teach you things in ways you’ll understand.
There are different types of tears (this is a side note.. but it’s so neat). When you peel onions, your body produces reflex tears that act to protect your eyes from the vapors. What’s truly fascinating is when you have an emotional cry from things like anger, grief, or even happiness, the tears contain proteins and hormones that you won’t find in reflex tears. It has been suggested that the release of these hormones are what help you physically feel better after a good cry. The way I see it, God did that. He wants to comfort us and He made it possible all the way down to how our body functions.
Okay, the Word. We study it, and learn from its wise sayings, but it’s not a chore. Shouldn’t it be a joy? Like it says in Jeremiah!
Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O LORD God of hosts.
Jeremiah 15:16 KJV
There was a stretch of time where I noticed I hadn’t been reading the Bible, aside from a verse or two I saw on Instagram, Facebook, or my bible app. I began to miss it. I spent time praying that God would help me to enjoy His Word again. This meant, for me at least, surrounding myself with teachings and receiving the Word from different platforms. I stopped fearing whether or not I was listening to “wrong” teachings and decided that God ultimately knows right from wrong and that He would guide me and teach me and help me to understand how to discern such things. I expect Him to help me understand how to guard my heart. No more fear! In Jesus Christs’ name it has NO right to take up residency within me! Or you for that matter!
You begin to notice things when fear is removed. Good things. I was noticing small details that really blessed me and I began attributing them to God’s loving character. Not only that, but I was taking time to thank God for these blessings. Even in a crummy situation. Oh, and about those crummy situations…
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Psalm 62:8 KJV
Don’t worry about making a mistake. God encourages His children to not let anxiety get the best of us. The solution is to pray and give it to Him. You are not a deer in headlights. You are a child of God and you are fully capable of putting one foot in front of the other. You have a band of brothers and sisters in Christ that will hold your hand and a Daddy that will pick you up when your knees are weak. Even if you break down and cry, God is already bringing comfort to your mind and your body in ways you can only imagine.
Pour out your heart before Him. Allow all those feelings and desires, sorrows and troubles, emotions and wishes, to pour out before Him like flowing water from a vessel. Embrace His loving nature. He loves you dearly.